I take it that he means adults have a large responsibility to make choices with self-awareness as we potentially influence the younger generation with our decisions and policies.
I would further amend it to call adults as terminals – a point of connection to complete the circuit for understanding/Knowledge to pass through.
Connection is the key to any and every relationship. It fosters comfort, trust and understanding between a set of people.
A great connection comes from accepting the other’s point of view without any judgement.
One shouldnt draw/presume lines of separation in any relationship. Just because “she” is your niece, it doesn’t mean you can lord yourself as superior and impose your opinion/judgement.
Age/rank/sex are no means to create divide in a relationship because a healthy relationship flourishes amongst a set of equals.
As grown ups we do set up examples for the youngsters to follow; often to go ten steps ahead too 😉 So its up to us to carefully explain the choices and the pros-cons that are part of it too.
I am often marvelled by my younger set of friends/siblings for leading an independent life; but I always point out to them that the grass is greener because I water it often. I work hard to make my choice feel good to me and have had to add financial independence to the mix. I stretch as much my bank balance can afford me to without hurting my nest egg.
I am careful to dole out relationship advise for its not my relationship to feel judgemental or emotional over it. I try to keep a third-party view on it and question more than I give out answers. Often this sorts the seeker’s queries better than me being opinionated over her choices.
I guess for me the connecting bond comes from learning about the other’s point of view. The younger set of 20s-30s have interesting ideas and thoughts; far removed from the perspective of my 40s self. I marvel at the confidence with which the younger lot feels self entitled to so much in life whereas Me at that age was scrabbling to identify myself. They are also much more street savvy than us oldsters.
At the end of the day being comfortable in one’s skin allows one to live and let live and that’s the best way to form connections with other folks.
Do you think of yourself as an influencer? Do you think youngsters resist adult advise out of it being forceful or simply because it’s not so cool?
I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge and the prompt for the day is Terminal.
#writebravely #writetribeproblogger
I’m taking part in the Write Tribe ProBlogger Challenge.
If you would like to read the posts on previous prompts:
Linking it up with Corinne for the Monday Musings
Shalini my take away from your posts this time are multi folds. The ones on the top of the list are…
We are the nodes of the network to pass on the knowledge. We have no right or capacity to impose our views and choices on the younger generation. We are terminals!
I fell in love with your line, “…grass is greener because I water it often”! Behind the greener grass are the toiling hands that are mostly not pictured!
And the list goes on…
A very thorough, honest to the core post dear!
– Anagha From Team MocktailMommies
You are too kind Anagha and thank you for the praise. The best part about writing is the appreciation from fellow writers as they can really understand what you are trying to do here. I am so happy to hear you could gain so much from my post. Thank you for quoting the lines – I am walking on air after such great praise Anagha 🙂
Thoughtful post. The younger generation observes us and copies us yet they do not leave their individuality.
For keeping relations strong we need to stay connected. Otherwise we let the weeds grow between them.
Thanks Sukri! Yes we need to keep the terminal open and clean to not allow any hesitation in the connect to creep up!! 🙂
Unique interpretation of the prompt! Lovely read!!
Thank you Meha – good to hear its found its admirers 🙂
Thi is such a thought-provoking post. Yes, as elders we do have an inclination to be there for the younger ones who might benefit from our advice. However, we need to restrain our advice just to that and let them pick and choose what they feel is right for them.
True dat Varsha! We default on letting them pick up what they would. We often want them to pick up what we think is right!! Thats where the disconnect happens!!! 🙂
The youth have no qualm in voicing their honest perspective which is not blurred as you rightly spell it out. One thing that irks me is how people try to control others’ thought which is an ego issue and know something or two about it on this social control. Honest view.
Thanks Vishal! Yes that control thing is whats my parents Generation is all about. Even today I know when my mom is twisting the manupilation to get me to do what she wants!! Now I can see through it and ignore it. Earlier I would have to give in and be upset over the way things turned out!! I hate the control part a lot too!!
Yeah I swear. Trust me my mom is not far behind in twisting and though not done in a bad way but the fear of religion, for instance. The way they have been wired to let wrong things prevail. Controlling people is the biggest disservice.
Hmm… not sure. I get a little worried when my younger sibling or anyone younger for that matter comes to me for advice. I always try to seek my elders opinions to take decisions for my own but at the end of the day it’s my decision and may sometimes not be what the elders would have gone with. But as an influencer of decisions, I’m not comfortable in that role.
Oh really Naba!! I am surprised to hear that as you come across as a pretty well balanced person in your writing and I am sure you are the same in your personal life too! Its good to be cautious while doling out advice but I think you would be one very sane person to go for advice and am sure you get a lot of your younger gen coming to you too 🙂
The younger lot is much more confident, but I guess every older generation feels that way. I feel the same way when I see young blood loved your parting words. One needs to be comfortable in their own skin to be able to form a lasting connection with others.
Thanks Raj and yes I agree with you on the fact they are so damn confident! I envy them this as I was never like this – I had so many insecurities and fear growing up and would cry often in solitude to wonder how to make it ok!!! 🙂
I think being young we still have a lot to learn and at the same time we have this ongoing struggle to never let go out individuality. Loved this post
True Swati- now thats interesting to hear too! We never do want to let go for it provokes the fear that we will be forgotten I guess!! Thank you for dropping by 🙂
How very well described Shalz, I love when you mentioned that – accepting one’s point of view is as important in keeping relationships healthy and sane. I often get worried seeing today’s generation – they are uber cool and take things so much for granted – but then again this is their time to enjoy. As you rightly mentioned – you water the grass to stay healthy & fit. Lovely take…
Thank you Dipika- means much to have you appreciate my writing! I think we have a mutual like club now 😉
yes todays GEN is really cool and uber ; so were we when we were there!!! Evolution and change of thought processes is what sets us all apart from our counterparts in the same situation!! 🙂
Interesting point of how we adults are all terminals that are connected. What matters is that the correct terminals are connected else there will be a short circuit! I think youngsters are resistant to adult advice only because they have the arrogance of youth. I’m sure I too suffered from this when I was younger….. not bothering about my fuddy duddy aunty’s advice.
Thanks Sunita. The fact is every generation Y thinnks that their older set is fuddy duddy because the older set tends to project their worries/experiences in a way not “cool”!! The thing is when we grown up, we tend to wonder how our youngsters will cope and go into the naggin mould. We forget we were young to once and could very well fend for ourselves – yes we fell down too but werent down for long and knew how to get back up!!!
This is an age old cycle and can be broken if we can form good connects with our younger set of folks around us!! 🙂
Good luck with connecting!
Shalini, if people in their 40s are oldies then what will you call us 50 plus antiques? 🙂 I have learnt from experience that doling out advice,unasked, is not done. The youngsters are very smart and observant, they come to you on their own and it has to be their choice. A thought provoking and interesting post!
Thanks Sulekha for connecting with my post today!! And no 50s is not antique but same as 40s…..;-) Yup youngsters are smart as we were when we were youngsters. Its just that we get older and tend to think they cant fend for themselves and hence worry or nag them to run away from us! I dont have grown up children of my own but am very open and comfortable with my grown up neices and nephews; my oldest is 28 right now and I love chatting with her!! We are peas in a pod when we are together and everyone wonders what are we upto!!! 😉
If you don’t have an honest connection with yourself, you can’t with others too. Simple as it is.
Very thought provoking post this. Well done, Shalini.
Thank you so much Soumya! I think I am basking with glee in appreciation today!! 🙂
I like that you’ve used another meaning of terminal, and not gone with airports or death 🙂 That’s nice. I guess we are a point of connection between generations. Being comfortable to live in one’s skin is very important, for then only we can “influence” or serve as a good point of connection.
Thanks Vinay – I guess I went with the meaning that jumped out to me when I read the prompt! Isnt that the whole intent of a prompt? I am loving the takes people are spinning on it too and happy to hear mine is being appreciated too! Yes being comfy in one’s skin is soooo important for us to not bitch, nitpick and generally peek into others life and be miserable over how ours in not perfect!!! 🙂
This is TT another incredible take on the prompt! I think I would be a successful writer if I could write as good as you do !
Oh man!! This appreciation feels liberating to me Z. I am thrilled to be adulated on my writing skills. So happy to hear my take on the prompt has found a connect with you! Thank you for the kind words 🙂
Influencer, me? may be..may be not! Yes my siblings and cousins do look up to me for advice and consider me to be role model ( that has more to do with being the eldest in the family I think) but about myself I feel I am still learning a lot about life and a lot remains…
I like your approach of asking questions rather than doling out advice which most people happen to do these days!
Thanks Nibha. Its a good thought to hold onto that you are still learning things but you can always listen to the younger ones and try to have patience with them. Sometimes the simple act of listening solves most problems 🙂
I loved the grass is green because I water it part. Typical Shalz style- tall and proud. I think youngsters these days don’t like be advised by anyone – they think they are matured to take their own decisions So be it. None of my business – I personally don’t like to dole out advise unless asked
Ha ha!! Thanks so much Aks; it feels good to hear that my attitude is not only understood but liked too! Cheers for that!! 🙂
I think youngsters of all eras have this rebel syndrome where the older ones are just trying to ruin their life 😉 I was like that too and can see it in the younger lot of today too!! Its part of being young I guess!!
My daughter is only 8 years but she has a mind of her own, doesnt like to be advised. So I contiously try and make an effort to lead by example. That is the best teaching or advice an adult can give a youngster, as they are always watching you. One recent example is that I was forced to shun my inhibitions about learning to swim. My daughter is a swimmer and participates in competitions, and when she doesnt do well like a typical mother I advise her to push herself and work hard to which she recently replied, “Mom you are scared of swimming, I know how to swim.” It was an eye opener, now I know how to swim. So there is lot to learn from young people also. This is my personal experience and I am learning an lot from my daughter too each day.
Thoughtful and thought provoking post, Shalini! I think we first need to have an honest connection with ourselves and then everything falls in place!!
I suppose the ‘terminal’ and ‘terminals’ aspects make sense – we are but nodes of connectivity between people and we each bring different experiences to the table. IT’s up to the others whether they take it or not, at the same time, it is important, like you said, for others to know when not to interfere. We can only share – the acceptance or not is upto them 🙂
I do not think of myself as an influencer, I do not want to influence anyone’s life. I value freedom of others as well as mine and hence do not dole out advise – wanted or unwanted.
Oh no! I think I’m pretty lame in giving advice to my younger friends/sibling. While I definitely listen to my parents or elders, I think the final decision comes from me always. Great take in the prompt, Shalini.
Absolutely well written and expressed. Sometimes we need the simplest of explanations to say the write thing 🙂
A different take on the prompt and I liked it a lot. Nah, I don’t think I’m an influencer to my younger cousins, but definitely to my little kiddo. Kids always look up to us until they are capable to take their own decisions.
“Man—every man—is an end in himself, not a means to the ends of others” This a quote by AYN RAND, my favorite philosopher. This was something she talked about a century back and the sad part is that Even now we see people who are so judgmental about others point of view or life that they drag them through a pit hole for their own cause.
You have summed up all a man needs to posses in this thought provoking post ShalZ…!
I am 30 now and clearly understand what you have written. Though I am 30 I belong to your kind of generation, but luckily I am learning so much from my sister who is in her mid 20s. Their guts and an air of confidence in everything they do is something I adore. Very good points Shalini. I like this view
Youngsters these days are way smart than we were at that age. And, that’s one reason why I think giving them any advice is really not right on our part. Secondly, before giving others advice, we ought to pause to think if we ourselves are perfect in every way/leading perfect lives ourselves! Each time I open my mouth to advice my 8 yo nephew, I stop myself and reflect upon my life, myself and my attitude towards life. If it is all in a perfect condition only then do I have any business giving him gyaan. I feel we ought to let them learn from their own mistakes. They will learn better and quicker that way. And, so should we! 🙂
As with anything, I tread warily when it comes to offering advice. Been burnt too often and of late, very badly, as a result of this. So I now steer clear of calling it advice. Instead I share suggestions and let people make their own decisions. This way, the onus is on them, not you. The younger generation can either be tempestuous or mature and that depends on a lot of factors from environment to upbringing. In any relationship, I try and go in with love and compassion, always knowing that the other person is fighting battles I don’t know about. That influences a lot of my behaviour.
Am I an influencer? I doubt it. If my writing helps someone somewhere, that brings me joy. That’s about it.
I liked the way you interpreted Javits’ quote. To influence others you need to be full of knowledge, understanding and openness. Getting into your ‘terminal’ then can be wonderful as it helps the seeker to get what he wants. It can shape thoughts and behaviour and probably make the world a better place as well. Lovely take on the prompt!
The younger lot these days are certainly more confident, knowledgeable and opinionated than we ever were. In fact in this age of Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit and what not, I find many a times it is me going to them for advice!
Ah yes tech and social media gurus they all are and I know about the advise I also require from them on all of it 😉
Being non-judgemental is the most peaceful way to live. I also strongly believe that karma will always come and bite you in the butt. So, I like to live life on my terms, and try not to opine on other people’s choices.
Thats so good to hear Apeksha – I also feel thats the best way to live and yes Karma does come and bite you in the butt!! So what goes around, comes aorund!!
I agree… I being an elder can’t be a leader or ruler…