“To err is human, to forgive, divine” – Alexander Pope
But what if I am not in the mood to be divine?
As a child I would often see my parents dismiss things – bad things said about them or people fighting with them. On the other hand, I would get very irked by this and fight with them as to why do they let such things slide? Over time I realised that they are just non-confrontational folks and simply avoid altercations for the ease of things.
When someone commits an act of transgression against me, I go through a whole gamut of emotions. From hurt to anger to humiliation to disillusionment to hurt! I feel betrayed and want to lash back in the same coin.
Why is it that, the moment they say sorry, everything is supposed to be good to go? Why am I labelled difficult, arrogant and stubborn when I say I need time to mull over things and cool down?
Could I please not have a time out?
The perp who has wronged me needs to understand how much devastation is caused by their wrong doing. I need time to sift through my pain and anger, to even consider forgiving them.
I am sincerely irked by the overtly patronising folks who think they can “sort” this out for me. Listen dude, it’s my effing feelings and my effing hurt. Could you please back off and let me be?
But no! The eminently sagacious denizens would like to play peacemakers; whether I want it or not. So then of course, I blow up (again, they say)
Their logic is that I am not being rational as I am too worked up. I am also being very stubborn by refusing to bend down.
Wow! Just wow!!!!
May I ask you what/who appointed you the Holy Grail on forgiveness?
And when I say I am ready to forgive, it doesn’t mean everything is as hunky dory as it ever used to be. My trust remains broken and it may or may not get repaired over time.
Again, it’s seen as my refusal to yield to common sense.
Forgiveness is equated with reconciliation when it’s not. By forgiving, I am choosing to move on. I am letting go of what you did to me. I don’t want to make you pay for what you did.
But this by no means should be taken as a sign of getting together. Faith or trust is hard-earned and once broken; it’s as difficult to repair as a break in a mirror.
So excuse me if I chose to not to be divine!
What’s your take on forgiveness, dear readers? By not reconciling, am I seeking retribution in your opinion? How do you deal with wrong doers?
This post was originally published as a Guestpost on Shilpa’s blog for Write Tribe festival of words blogathon.
Have you checked out the Bday celebrations on my blog all of this month as its turned one as a self hosted blog? Loads of prizes to be won; so hurry and submit your guestpost too.
Linking up with
Corinne for #mondaymusings 
In times like these, I always remember what my dad told me, a long time ago. You own your feelings. Every single time. You have the right to feel happy, angry, sad, annoyed. What’s important is you stay with the feeling until it passes naturally. Forcing yourself to overcome it is both harmful to you and false. We have feelings for a reason.
Take your time to forgive/forget or let go. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Not letting go at all is harmful in the long run. It preys on your mind, causes stress and makes you miserable. As an Arien, I completely agree with the flaring up bit. That’s me. Completely. But I also forgive whole heartedly when I am ready. So, do what works for you. 🙂
Hi five to a fellow Arien though I must say I envy your calmness Shy- its so unlike an Arien!!! Yes letting go is important but take you time to go through it all is the best advice here! 🙂
These gamuts of emotions, are present in each one of us Shalini. There have been times, when I gave forgiven, and have thought that probably that I had let go. But somewhere deep inside, I dont think I actually did so.But… as they say time is the best healer. Over a period of time, the intensity of the grudge and the stress it caused lessened and slowly I have let go. And this is the best thing to happen.
Thanks Ramya – I totally agree with you! Over time the hurt lessens and easier to forget about it than letting the person back in your life! Letting go is for our own good and not the other persons.
Oh yes! I take my sweet time to forgive. I forget easily though. And I can completely understand and agree with you, Shalzy.
Thanks Shalzz – you are such a sweet person, I doubt you can stay angry for long 🙂
Some people don’t deserve divinity at all… A broken trust cannot be repaired. No matter how much sweet talk they do afterwards. Some things are unforgivable and it’s better if they remain so.
I hear you Raj – I get so angry and frustrated with the perp for breaking my trust! I mean I let you in my “hallowed” circle and this is what you did to me!?! so its out of sight and out of mind for them…… There is a saying – Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!!!
Such an honest post, Shalini! Trust can be regained but not just by a hasty statement of forgiveness. Rebuilding trust needs deep effort and of course time. You ain’t doing anything wrong when you say you need time to ponder over things. Stay away from people who tell you otherwise. Simple rule of life is do what makes you happy
Thanks Anjali – this support feels good 🙂
I was never confrontational but over the years I am becoming one, fluctuation between give people back and being mellowed. Yes! I go mad when people act stupid and wanna hit at them. But, often saying things that I regret and like last time calling someone as imbecile. May be I overreacted I dunno but the person deserves it. I mean, I don’t believe in forgiving but that’s me. A honest post, Shalz.
Sigh!! I hear you Vishal! The dumbness at times of people really gets to me – why ruin a good friendship that you took pains to establish? Then after hurting the other person, you still play the victim and want sympathy from everywhere! I have no patience for such peeps and just do away with them!!! I like my peace and sanity.
It is truly difficult to bring back a relationship on the same level once the trust is broken. While I may forgive but forgetting does not come easily to me. But I have realized that it’s best to forgive and forget for your own sanity.
Thanks for writing this post which is honest and simply straight from heart!
Thanks Shilpa – this post came about thanks to you 🙂
i love your honest posts. If i lose trust o someone I can’t go back in same equation. And I think that is correct in a way