“You are so lucky, you can get up and take a holiday whenever you want or catch a movie at whim or just step out for coffee at a short notice – perks of being a single girl!!! You really don’t know how good you have it.”
Nodding heads around the coffee table from other women.
Oh I am sorry, I forgot to introduce them- married women with kids in all age brackets or about to have one or simply a single woman who is all set to get married next month. Some are my relatives, some are my friends, neighbours, office colleague…….. you get the drift!!!
You’d think after a decade of hearing this, I would be immune to it. But somehow no. I just don’t get it why “these” women refuse to acknowledge their life choices? They chose this lifestyle, rather they all craved it.
Their husband brings the money, the servant/driver the groceries, the cook cooks the food while a mother in law means a support system for you to leave the house unattended for the kitty party, salon/gym sessions. Not to mention the exotic and expensive holidays that they post pics on FB of. Yet they are not satisfied or happy with their chosen pie.
You wanna know what my pie of life looks like…..
I earn my money, buy my own groceries and cook it all too. If I fall ill, I am the one who drags her ass to the doctor and buy my own meds and do my own TLC. Oh and when a repair or service is due, I am house bound till the technician comes. Don’t even get me started on the courier chaps who insists that someone else will be home, if I am not!!! Aaaaaaaaargh!
Or when the sales/demo rep insists on speaking to “sir”!!!!!!!!!
Or the maid who raises her eyebrows in judgement when I say there is no “bhaiya”!!!!!
Or the looks I get when I go and sit in my fav cafe on a Sunday to enjoy my book and a lavish brunch on my own!
( Disclaimer: don’t get me wrong I happen to love my single life)
But no, then the same ladies tell me- you could have gotten married you know; almost as if this single life of pie is my fault simply because I dared to err by choosing to not go down the chosen garden path that they all did.
I think women love being martyrs and hate to see another woman living out of this mould; rather it’s seen as an act of blasphemy and they are not satisfied till they have converted her too.
I do wonder when and if this lifestyle shaming on women who choose to stay single, will ever change/stop?
Come support this initiative with your opinion if you feel strongly about body/image shaming; for I am hosting folks writing their experiences, opinions on this topic on my blog for next few weeks.
This post has been written for the second prompt of the #BarAThon ” The life of pie” – I am looking forward to hearing from my readers on this with bated breath!!! Cheers.
Linking up for #wordsante with Namysaysso for every post deserves some love
More and more women are beginning to think that singletons have all the fun while singletons feel that they have to do things all on their own and married women are so lucky to have someone to share the burden…. life is always greener on the other side
I say grass is greener where its looked after more!!! 😉 Why does either one of us have to feel guilty of conforming or not – whose conforming rules are these? Why cant we both own our choices and simply accept our lives as living by our rules? Why do we let other voices dictate terms to us? So many Whys!!!! 😉
Why?????
You tell me why do you think Why? Why cant I be happy in my choice to be single by choice? Why am I asked how can you not marry?
Just teasing you Shalz! Of course it’s your choice and yours alone and not ours to question why …. sorry for offending you
Ohhh no no no darling! You havent offended me! I was asking you to tell me your thoughts on this- the very purpose of these articles is to get women to think and wear their choices with pride!! Do chk out the guestposts that will be up on this topic- first one is live today
Oh k! Will do
I agree, maybe..just maybe…grass is greener on the other side might be the issue..
Click to Read my #Barathon2017 Seven Deadly Sins posts
Maybe just maybe life is greener where its watered more!!! Come on neither sides are right or wrong as this is not a subjective matter at all! Its all about my choices, my rules and my life!!!
While my single status is for reasons not entirely of my choice, I do understand totally. And yes, even though the metros have evolved in many a way, when it comes to “call the bhaiyya! I have to explain this to him. You won’t understand”, things have not changed. And I do not refer to the less educated either. Even senior doctors I know give forth the same condescending talk… as though being single is a crime of nature.
I hear your Doc. I have a school mate who is a practicing oncologist in a BIG hospital in Gurgaon and she is aghast when her patients tell her to call t he senior doctor as they refuse to believe she is IT!!!!! It is so putting down for the woman and her credentials!!!! Very sad indeed!!!
You nailed it down, Shalz. After all its your own life. Great post and enjoying this series.
Thanks so much Vasantha -cheers 🙂
I agree with you Shalini. Life is a package deal, after all. We get what we have chosen for ourselves. What is the point of comparison? To each his own, is it not? I generally think people who are jealous of single women and their freedom tend to get heated on the topic and start spewing venom. For some reason, even if a single woman such as yourself seems perfectly contented, they have issues with it. I guess, you just need to keep them out of your life and continue to live the good life, Shalz. Loved your post btw. 🙂
Oh Esha I love you so much for saying that! Thats exactly what the thing is – my happiness with MY chosen way of life!! Me owning my choices is the whole issue!!! How dare I be happy by defying norms when others are following them 😉
Hmm, plenty of food for thought, pies especially! It is a confusing world we live in Shalini. One person’s view of happiness differs from the other’s. Obviously there are plus and minuses to every lifestyle you choose. If you choose to believe you are happy with the life you chose, you will be and vice-versa! Confusing isn’t it? Yes, that’s life! Now go make lemon pies out of those lemons it throws your way! Loved your take on this prompt!
I guess, we all like what we don’t have a tad more! Just human.
People always comment & always have an opinion. Unfortunately, some of them don’t practice keeping their mouths shut.
I agree! Single, married, married without kids – as long as you are comfortable in your own skin, others shouldn’t judge or try to change you.
I can so relate to this Shalini. The moment you finish college and cross the 20 year mark, everyone seems to be interested in your future marriage, future husband, and future family like those are the only life goal for you. Even close friends who understand everything else about you don’t understand why you aren’t getting married and staying single. Let everyone enjoy the slice of pie they’ve chosen as their life, right?
I hear you sister. As a committed single, I relate to every word and more. Keep challenging the status quo!!
Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence…the best is to continue doing what you love to do, without comparing and also not paying heed to what others have to say…good post…enjoyed it
I am totally with you Shalzzz. It can be so terrible with people casting a judgment. I often get it, lucky to be single and can afford to bow out of an unhappy job or do my own things in terms of expenses since I don’t have children or am not married. But, it’s their choice to get married and have children na. It’s my choice to be single in my mid-30s. Some people really need brains I tell. I am happy in my space, so should you!
I feel everything has its pros and cons, and we must align our choices with our priorities. As long as we do that, there is no reason to complain.
I agree with you! Our life is the result of the choices we make. And if one chooses to be single, it is not the person’s fault, it is their choice and everyone must respect that. Well put!
Thanks Reemz Thats exactly what I am trying to put across here and so glad you connected that ways with this!!! 🙂
I believe, it’s time we respect people for their choices. I would say that living a life on your terms and conditions can be liberating. I hope more people understand that.
Yay Shilpa – thanks for that vote of confidence in making choices!!! Its much much needed 🙂
I can identify with your story so well. I remember the immense pressure I faced at 27 when all my friends and cousins had tied the knot and here I was ” the bechari abla nari” a friend’s Dad was persistent that I should get married soon and he wil find a groom. Ufff those days. There’s no thing as ” my space and my life” in our country
Women actually love being martyrs and hate to see another woman living out of this mould. If it is about single women, then it is the same for women with one child. The other women (read: with 2 kids) will constantly ask for when are you planning the second child while on all other times they can be found cribbing about how exhausting it is to raise 2 children, to constantly stop them from fighting, to the financial expenses they incur. For me, I have been living alone with my son for the last 2 years with husband working abroad. Though I have taught myself to do all the things on my own (apart from earning) and stay happy at the same time, there are certain women who, whenever they spot me, will ask these questions first – “When is husband coming back?” or “Why don’t you go living with him?” I cringe why can’t they just see me instead of a hapless mother who lives alone.
I think what you want to be is a personal choice, with respect to people they would say in every circumstance. Our way of living is to point fingers about others and not introspect.
Why not, when this is our life it has to be entirely our choice to be single of not…. you nailed it Shalz, even I feel most of the times ‘Single would have been a better option’.
You are my soul sister! I loved this post and identified with it. While I refuse to stay in a relationship just for the sake of being with someone, I also understand the hardships of being single {yes, all what you said…especially when you’re sick!} And yes, I do think sometimes those who are married/in long term relationships are envious of a single lifestyle but therefore try to bring it down. Anyway, 33 and single at the moment; still struggling but I survived the last time and I know I will eventually survive this.
It’s weird how people like to manage other people’s business, or bake other people’s pies without checking whether their own pies are doing well in the oven. (Had to make this pie-metaphor comment!)
I like the way you’re taking on issues that really worry women a lot. I hope everyone who needs to read this, reads this.
To each her own. Which is what we do not like to leave alone. As rightly pointed out by yourselves and most of the readers here we do not like to mind our own business about anything, especially marriage and kids. I can’t imagine how it is to live the single life, but as you said I am sure it has its share of difficulties.
I don’t get why people get envious of others for things like this. If you’re not happy with the way things in you’re life have turned out, you have the power to change it in whatever way you see fit. But anyway, keep on doing you. If you’re happy being single, don’t listen to people telling you differently.
Each choice comes with its challenges. One’s happiness ultimately depends on how we handle those challenges and our own attitude to life. But then you’ve heard that thing about grass on the other side.. always holds true.
More power to you Shalz!!!! I loved the post and your spirit! It is all about making a choice and respecting others choice at the same time. I got married early but I am happy with the arrangement I have… it has given me a long time for my marriage before thinking about the kids. Of course, things are different when you’re single but one hs to find ways for what they want in life… I take girls trips, go out sometimes without my husband and that is absolutely fine with both of us and it works wonders to me.
Married women with a kid who choose to divorce their husbands are shamed all the time in our society… and it makes me so sad.. really sad! I’m happy you’re writing posts on these issues and are trying to make a difference.
I think you made a great choice that works for you. People are silly and are auto programmed to say things without thinking. Much like meeting in a flight and asking ‘where are you going’ types. Ignore.
Oh I am with you girl! Do not let anyone undermine you and shut their mouth with a sassy answer 😛 Btw the word “blasphemy” reminds me of a wonderful book “Anthem” by Ayn Rand. I first came to know about the word “blasphemy” from this book and made a note of the word when I read it. I would have even attached an image of that note here if there was an option 😛
Guess everyone tends to feel that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Trust me, living your life as you choose or rather being able to choose how to live your life is a gift in itself!!! dont you agree Shalz??
[…] to name one favourite post from all of them and will accord that sobriquet to this recent one: https://shalzmojo.in/2017/06/life-pie-single-by-choice-barathon/ as it reflects my zeal for life and gave me a lot of creative satisfaction to write it […]