With mother’s day approaching fast, corporate gimmicks of every hue and shapes can be seen advertised massively. From restaurants to jewellery stores to you -name-it – everyone wants to cash in on this band wagon. Oh yes there are loads of blog writing contests too on this theme, which is how this blog has come about too.
My take is a bit hatke from the usual syrupy montages to Mom as I want to ask all those mothers out there who decided to have a child and then let them loose on the world!
Why Mataji why?
What “paap” have I done to have your shrieking kid run around my table as I try to read a book over my favourite cup of tea in a cafe of my choice? Just because you need a break; does that mean I don’t?
Why do you insist on having your tiny tots accompany you in dark movie halls where the loud volume, chilly air and barely any light scenario sets off your kid to bawl their lungs out? And no when you hand her over to your partner to walk outside does not help as it’s a constant feature and disturbs me every time? BTW I did pay for my movie ticket and popcorn – its isn’t a freebie or didn’t you know!!
What joy do you get from having your jigar ke tukde run up and down the stairs in a darkened theatre, spraying popcorn and coke on hapless idiots like me?
Initial days, I would lose it and ask the parents to control their kids please! I would be met with death stares and chest beatings. Damn! I should have just committed hara-kiri!!! 😉
“You don’t have kids, na? Thats why you are so rude and intolerant! ” intoned one mommyji while smothering the little darling to her gym sculpted abs.
“I also need a break – ok! What are they doing to you anyways?”, belched out another harried woman who acutely resembled a zombie from death zone 2.
“They are kids – what do you expect?” another sagely pointed out while raking her kohl rimmed scrutiny on to scruffy student me.
I expect them to behave!!!
I remember as a child, I was left at home so often while my parents socialized. Or if there was a party in the house, we were put to bed by sharp 8 p.m.
I remember being smacked for running helter skelter in public spaces.
There would be some serious instruction drilling by my major-general mater, before family occasions like weddings.
What do you remember from your childhood?
Is your need for a day off any excuse to let your child be a bother on others in public spaces? Why arent you perturbed to see your child doing nagin dance on the restaurant floor to get your attention? Spitting food and throwing cutlery is not adorable!
You justify that to prove you are a woman, wife and sanskari – you have to have a child!! While my making a conscious choice not to, means I am ………………………
Excuse me!!
My dear Mother India, can you please understand that having a child is a huge responsibility? You are partaking in educating another individual; teaching her right from wrong; good from bad and wise to idiotic. You need to be geared up emotionally, physically and financially to have children in today’s times when one is living in nuclear setups ( little/none family support), both parents working to augment finances and the horrifying rackets of hired helps.
But no, we would rather be frazzled, harried, frustrated sleep deprived women, juggling home, husband, kids and job and spew it all out on the poor unsuspecting souls like me, than admit that we can’t handle this!!
This mothers day I sincerely want to implore to mothers and mothers-to-be out there – Kids are not akin to a diamond set that you have to have in your kitty or that mixie grinder that your next door neighbour also has. Kids are little people who grow up into bigger ones; loving or resenting you, depending on how you brought them up.
I want to thank my Mother India for ensuring that I turn out to be a well (if not mild) mannered child who knew better to risk her ire; even if the temptation to hawk out spit from the terrace to ground below was a killer one!
P.S:
Everytime I fly, I make it a point to request for a seat away from a child; never mind window or aisle 😉
So how do feel if you have a screaming /bawling / fidgety kid sitting next to you on the plane or a movie theatre?
This article is the entry for Mother’s Day Bloggers Contest by Bigsmall.in, unique gift store in India.
I am linking this post with Friday Reflections by Sanchie & Corinne for the prompt “Something I dread”
Can I just say I know how you feel because I’ve been on both sides. As a mum to twins I understand how hard it is for the parents somedays. BUT there are places that one should keep the kids away from, specially if you know they will get restless and noisy – the theatre for instance or a find dine restaurant. Having children is really no excuse to thrust them on the public at large unless you have taught them to behave.
I was waiting for brickbats from mommies because I know this is a tough one for me to understand. My sis has a 4 YO and he is a handful. She hasnt gone for movies in theatres with her hubby in years now cos they dont want to take him!! They go alone or with friends while other one baby sits!!
Thank you for leaving such a positive comment!! 😉
Yes fine dining restaurants and theatres – movies, plays, concerts – pls dont bring small kids and ruin it for us.
I’m giggling here, Shalz and waiting for you to get hit with a lot of flack. As a non-Mom myself, I’ve been known to make big eyes at children and even have one chap put away all the stuff he dropped off a shelf in a supermarket. His mother watched me doing this and was too stunned to say anything, but I did hear her warning him about me!
Although I’m from the ‘seen but not heard’ generation of children, I do believe in children talking, sharing and being heard. While I do empathise with parents, misbehaviour, tantrums and screaming is not something I can tolerate for too long.
Ha ha Corinne I know what you mean; I am also expecting a tonne of bricks to fall on me any moment now!! 😉
God tell me about these moms and their darlings!!! I can just picture the scenario in this supermarket- damn why cant parents spend a little more time on their kids to teach them whats wrong and unacceptable behaviour?
I’m another one “on both sides of the fence” both because I had a hyperactive son (an adult now!) but, as a senior, I enjoy my peace and quiet, especially if I am in a public place. I know there are situations where a child will be restless – I know those well, in fact. But in cases where the parent is not even trying to exert any control or guidance is where I lose it (especially if said parent is absorbed in his/her phone at the time). I haven’t spoken out yet, but I do have expressive eyes.
Its when parents dont exert any will to discipline in public, thats what gets my goat!! You said it Alana!! 🙂
Hey, I’ve now been on both sides & can witness both the scenarios. Even I used to think, kids are not the goal of life, but having witnessed they make that boring life happening for sure. & yes, lemme tell you, I have 2.5year old kid & he has not entered in theatre yet, coz I dont want him to bother others. It really sucks to see their tantrums & in public display..Nah..never! Courageous post
Thanks Jhilmil!!!
I wish I knew more moms like you who follow such behaviour with their kids! My movie going will be painless then!!
I think children need to learn appropriate behavior for both public and private places.But before 2 years they cannot be trained for any social gathering, except through their genes.So the best way to have well-behaved children would be to be well-behaved parents.
Thanks Amrita for writing such positive things here! I am sure you are the best example for your child and look forward to meeting you both someday! 🙂
I think sometimes that society has made it a norm that if a child acts up on a plane or at a restaurant. No one should say anything because he or she is just a kid.
How true Tashneena and how sad too! I know planes can get tricky due to a ear pain for the child and its difficult to control a crying child then – my sympathies to the child and his parents but unruly behaviour like jumping on the seats, shouting and generally being a nuisance is just not done.
And I know 9/10 times the parents in such case excuse it as “kids will be kids!!” Pathetic Parenting there!!! 🙂
Such a good read right before Mother’s Day! Great post!
Thanks Ashley for saying that!! It simply made my day 😉
Aww You were such a cute little kid! I don’t have children and I’m blessed that I don’t feel pressure from anyone to have them! They just aren’t for me – raising a dog is SO much easier. (Plus, I love to sleep late, so that won’t work anyway) lol
Thanks Erin 😉 but cute was never me – Grumpy yes, cute no!! Ha ha ha!!
I hear you – its great to have acknowledged this thought and moved on rather than giving into societal pressures of justifying being a woman!!!
More power to you and happy zzzzing!!!! 😉
Agree with obsessivemom that as parents, we should ensure that we keep younger kids away from places where calm/serenity is needed to enjoy the experience… there are places and situations we just cannot avoid but where we can, we should..
And I also know exactly the moms and kids you are talking about as well. As a mom myself, there are times I am tempted to discipline another kid (and the parents are right there….:) )
Thanks so much Vidya for that vote of confidence! Yes unruly child behaviour is such a sad reflection on the parenting and not the child! Its sad to see parents having kids out of fulfilling compulsions/expectation and then not settling into it as they want to Live their life their way! Sad really!!
I’m sure I could have been one of those mom who, have been eyed on the air plane with the kids or maybe at a restaurant!
But, I know what you mean! Totally!
It’s just not easy on the other side too
Lovely clicks of your childhood xoxo
Thanks Z and no I dont think you put up with unruly behaviour from your children! Seeing how you conduct yourself online, I can very well imagine some sweet and well mannered little ones! I look forward to meeting them someday! 🙂
Kids do need to learn to behave in public. If mine act up, they get punished. I once had to leave a movie theater because my daughter wouldn’t listen.
I do find these days that people tend to ignore their kids, and it drives me nuts. I did have to tell a wild kid to stop kicking my seat on a plane once and the mother gave me a mean look but it’s like, “How about you parent?”
Oh yes Amber the child kicking your seat in a lane or at the movies- aaaaargh! its so bloody annoying! And their parents are so oblivious, even after requesting tonnes of times – they just keep quiet and let the kid be. Otherwise he might turn on them and trouble them – better he troubles others! Sickening behaviour from such parents!!
Kudos to you for leaving the theatre – thats what good parenting is all about!
Having a kid is someone’s choice, so is how they want to bring up. When I was little I was left home because I was not allowed in clubs or 31st nights. At home I too was asked to finish dinner and sleep early – I liked that, that time. Now I’m being very unsocial because I don’t want my son to get scared at a movie hall. But can mothers really stay away from every thing because they decided to have a kid?
I hear you Tina – our parents were another generation altogether. My mom worked too , yet made sure our behaviour and upbringing was not affected.
I am not saying one should give up on everything, just because they have had a kid – come on!! One must not inflict their child’s unruly behaviour on others so as to enjoy a few moments of peace themselves.
So often it happens in a coffee shop, moms are chit chatting while the kids are being…… well Kids! My chair gets shoved – some kid decides to chuck cutlery while another spits some food – some lands on me as well.
Their moms are least bothered – this is what my post is about!! Why cant these women discipline their children or learn not to bring them to public spaces where their energies cant be unleashed?
Hope we are on the same page now T 😉
BTW Bluey is adorable and you dont have to worry being a part of this tribe! I could see how much pains you took that day to make him eat; never once did he misbehave! So even if you had stepped out to have coffee with me, you were such a zealous mom to him!!! 🙂
I can understand wanting to immerse your children in as many situations as possible, but I really don’t understand parents who bring restless children to fancy restaurants or R-rated movies or that kind of thing. Surely there must be some line between letting your children experience a lot and other people’s enjoyment too?
Hear hear Roxy!! This is exactly what I am trying to say here. Please expose your children to as many experiences as possible but please take care to not to ruin others fun either!
Thanks for echoing my thoughts!! 🙂
Ooh…controversial! 😛 I’m child-free and plan to be child-free and so I totally get where you’re coming from. What irks me is the whole sanctity around how women are meant to procreate and how having children is some kind of calling or entry into ‘womanhood’ and if you don’t want kids, there are questions galore. As for the spoilt, entitled kids, I see a lot of them at work too and they frustrate me. Not all kids, of course {I do feel very protective towards a lot of the teens I see} but some are definitely trying. And I also get annoyed with people who have kids and then abuse/neglect them or can’t be bothered with them — sure, it results in me always having a job but it saddens and frustrates me.
Yeah this was a controversial post and I think Corinne is still waiting to see if I will be lynched 😉
I hear you Sanchie – this whole procreation bit is so bloddy anarchial and overrated in our society that its made a mockery of being a child and a parent!
I plan to be childfree too and thats because it wont fit into my lifestyle. And yes I will miss the Mother India award but dang not rooting for it either anyways 😉
Even though I cannot speak from experience hence cannot have a valid opinion I can totally get what you are saying. It’s a fine line and keeping the balance can be tricky!
Thanks Chelf – yeah its a bit tricky for sure but no rocket science if the parenting is good!!! 🙂
I had to laugh at this so hard. Specially at the beginning. Sometimes people say I am too hard on my kid, that I need to let him be a kid. Yes, I let him be a kid but in the process I teach him manners, responsibilities and how to behave in public places and when we visit other houses. The whole spoiled, uneducated, tantrum throwing kid does not and wont apply here. No sir.
Wow Deimarys- your child will thank you one day for being a strict parent. I know I am thanking mine now! 🙂
I think that all children should learn appropriate behavior. The best way to teach them however is by example
Perfectly put Ola!! Thats how great parenting would come about actually!! 🙂
Kind of see both sides to this, my two kids are autistic and taking them anywhere is a struggle but we really cant just spank them or tell punish them because they don’t understand we try our best to teach them what we can but we don’t know how they are going to react until we go, we wouldn’t take them to a movie theatre or a fine dining restaurant that would clearly not be the place for them. I see alot of kids that arent taught manners and how to behave i think its part laziness and some people just don’t seem to know what they are doing!
Awww Marie – hugs for that! I admire parents who bring up challenged kids with so much love and responsibility. Saddens me to see peeps with normal kids, not half as vested in their children courtesy their lifestyles and mobile phones. Yes these parents are plain lazy and bad at parenting and I also wonder why did they decide to become one!! 🙂
Can’t speak from experience, but there’s so many reason why I don’t want to have a kid, and this post hit some of the points right in the head (for me).
Thanks so much Yuen Mi 🙂
This was such a hilarious account of your experiences with kids gone berserk, Shalini! I enjoyed reading it!
And, now, to answer your question….I, too, get annoyed when I see kids misbehaving outdoors – theatres etc – and their parents least bothered by what a ruckus they create! I mean, why can’t they teach the kids to behave? I remember, my dad never tolerated such kind of behaviour from us kids and mom used to always teach us how to behave. She too was a working woman and took care of the household before stepping out for work. She too was harried due to the work pressures, but not once did she let us loose when in public places. Mothers who allow their kids to do as they please need to take up some course in teaching kids manners, hai na? They could do with a similar course for themselves, too, right? *Wink wink* 😛
Thanks so much for sharing such positive words with me on this Shilpa. I absolutely agree with you on this and agree about parents needing classes 😉
I have been contemplating what to reply to this article, cause I went through a similar rant on FB by a woman(a mom herself) who was irritated with another’s toddler when they went to watch Bahubali 2. Well, I couldn’t make up my mind then nor can I make up my mind now which side I am on! Probably somewhere in the middle. Because I have been guilty of taking my kid to a movie(cause I really wanted to see it in the theater and couldn’t find anyone to take care of him). Thankfully, since it was his bed time, he decided to sleep through the whole thing. And I don’t find the need to stand up for fellow moms who bring their kids to nice places, they are ready to lash out at the drop of a hat and let their opinions know. Planes I don’t think you can avoid, just pray that you are on the other end of the plane.
Ha ha Namy!!! I can undersand when you get into a mode like that but seriously my issue is with parents who cant control their kids at such places. If the child is sleeping, then is not disturbing others! So no need to feel bad there yaar!!
Planes I agree one cant avoid, esp with the ear pain and stuff!! I empathise with such parents and kids but its the unruly ones that get my goat!!!
Cheers
I am so glad that I came across your post. While I’m thinking and re-thinking my decision to not have a child before I hit the dreaded 30 years age bar, this post made my decision quite easier. Many times, ladies choose to conceive only to satisfy their parents or in-laws or their need to be accepted in the society. Because what is a woman if she is childless! Haha, the standards that we have to validate somebody’s existence make me enraged and laugh at the same time. Coming back to your wonderful post, I can’t tell you how much I relate to it. All my friends (and even acquaintances) would tell you how much these unmannered kids irritate me. They are everywhere: movie halls, temples, restaurants, trains, flights. You name the place and they are there. OMG! Sometimes, I feel that my ears would bleed if the kid would not stop crying or shouting or whatever the hell he/she does. Once I was down with high fever and decided to visit my parents. I regret that decision even today. There were minimum three kids in my coach and they were having a “who can cry louder” contest, and their contest turned my head into a ticking time bomb — ready to explode. **Shivers**
Oh dear I hope thats a positive decision for you and my post hasnt made you confused over it 🙂
Yeah its the ill-mannered kids and their ignorant parents that make you wanna jump out of the plane without a parachute!!!! 😉
I feel for you when you talk about these kids in the train!!! It is an annoyance on people with no kids; when will parents learn that!!!?
Love this. Motherhood is such a challenge, not to be taken lightly.
You said it Seirra – thats exactly what it is!!
Thank you 🙂
Although a very valid post it also made me laugh , thank you for that. I do have a child and in no way think that makes me more of a woman . I think it’s sad that in this day and age anyone should be made to feel like that. I apologise in advance if my child ever disturbs yours or anyone’s days out xx
Thanks Lena and how sweet of you to apologise but I htink its unnecessary as I can see you are a conscientous mom about ensuring your child is well behaved!
Yes I agree its sad that a woman is gauged on her decision to be a mother!! I dont put up with it and encourage others to not to either! 🙂
Sorry don’t get me wrong but this was quite a hilarious post for me!
I connect with you on having kids, I have been married for 5 years now and suddenly everybody is asking me about it, irrespective of that I married early.
Thanks Sushmita for loving my post!! I am still waiting for the brickbats!! Probably there are lots out there waiting to lynch me but seeing the positive response from people on this, they might have resorted to gnashing their teeth and hoping to catch me in a dark alley someday 😉
In spite of having three grandchildren all under 4, I completely agree with you Shalz. Children should not be allowed to become a nuisance. I too hate sitting next to children in public places and can’t stand them running around like hooligans at restaurants or clubs. Unfortunately not too many mothers think like me and find me unnecessarily strict and controlling. But mothers should learn that their heart’s desire is not necessarily mine!
Thanks Sunita- I am actually pleasantly surprised by no negative comment on this post as I had thought this would be like a hornet’s nest!!!
Unruly behaviour by kids is normal but the no action by accompanying parents is what I find annoying. Thanks for the support
This is such a different and refreshing post. You have been spot on about expressing the anguish & ire of getting troubled by kids in public places for no fault of yours. Discipline and etiquette are most important things that one learns early in life. I can say that I have a strict approach as far as my daughter’s behaviour goes in public. Although I do get to hear a lot of “it’s ok, she’s only a kid.thats how kids are” talk from others.
Thanks so much Prasanna for such a hearty response to my opinion on this, especially since you are a mom too!! I am truly happy to hear peeps with kids agreeing with my post. 🙂
LOL Shalini! My wife would appreciate this. We are child free and digging life. We appreciate folks who have kids of course but you can live a fun, fulfilled life without kids too. One look at our blogs proves this 😉 Thanks for the inspired share.
Ryan
Thanks so much Ryan – I hope wifey reads it too!!!
I hear you on this – its ourlife and we deign to live as we want to! No pressure and no expectations to be lived of others. Thank you for your kind words!!!
I know couples who haven’t visited a theater because of toddlers. More power to them and to you. I am a bachelor and not that I don’t love kids…in fact, I adore them. But, causing disturbance to other is such an absolute know. Instances in the post reminds me of parents who think they got a toy in hand and putting all responsibility on their in-laws so that they can get no disturbance day. Points to ponder, isn’t it?!
Well I have been on both sides of this particular fence. I do understand your POV when you say you need a break as well, cause I have been there myself. But I can empathize with the parents too. Don’t get me wrong, there should be rules for the kids, and there are certainly some places I never take my son – fine dining restaurants and other such dark, closed, confined spaces, because that would certainly be a recipe for disaster. Having said that, trust me, the kids cannot be controlled 100% all the time, even if the parents want to.